It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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