do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
