I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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