So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
