Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
