ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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