I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There are leaves in my underwear?
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