My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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