and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize