i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
