Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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