We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
