Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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