she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
