Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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