I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
