i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
