I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
