You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
