Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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