I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
