ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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