"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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