Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
