Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
