i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
