Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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