Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
