I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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