my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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