he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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