if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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