Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
