have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
