Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
