I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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