Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
