Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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