I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
