There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
