Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
