ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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