Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
