Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize