Only a mothe r could love this liver
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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