This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will be naked everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
