My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
