he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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