Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
