Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
