I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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