the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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