I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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