I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
