I'm going to jail i love you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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