Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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