What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
