Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize