how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
