I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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