i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize