I'm going to jail i love you
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
