in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
