Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
