I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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