It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
